But let me start by saying how overwhelmingly grateful I am to have seen all your amazingly beautiful comments. Several times now, I've read thru each & every one of them, and all of the PMs & emails I received & I have to say, I never expected to be the recipient of such open-hearted kindness. No WONDER things have turned well & no WONDER why I constantly feel so privileged to be a part of our community here, even after ALL these years (since 2006!!). I don't think there's any way for me to express what every one of your messages have meant to me. I honestly don't know why I'm surprised, since I know from personal experience the incredible people who make up this community, but I somehow never feel worthy, nor expect the immense kindness to be directed my way. But believe me, I felt all of you with me as I waited for the final results.
And the news is GOOD--no cancer right now--just a large abscess, which they've elected to first treat with a course of serious antibiotics (yeast infection likely included, LOL!!). I was surprised they didn't want to go in & start digging right away, but I'm very lucky in that my hospital is one of only seven specialized "Breast Centers" in the entire country, which means they're on the cutting edge of everything & they told me if they can take care of it with medication, that's the preference, rather than opening anything up right now. Obviously, if after a few weeks, when they do another ultrasound, the meds haven't cleared it all up, they'll then look at the next step, but for now, I'm thinking positively that the meds WILL take care of it!! And as far as the breast pain I've been experiencing, hopefully it can all be attributed to the abscess, but I was also told that breast pain is often just one of those medical "mysteries", that have had books & more books written about it & sometimes, there's just no good explanation for it.
I was poked & prodded over & over again on Friday (and squished & squished some more, if you know what I mean!!) during my extensive mammogram & then again during the ultrasound. And it was quite unnerving when the radiology person stepped out to go get "the big doctor" after she'd done the ultrasound, & had him come in & do it all over again (and let me say, he was MUCH less gentle!!)!! But I know they were just trying to be cautious, & for that, I am grateful!!!
When I finally got the good news & understood what it all meant, I can't explain the sheer & utter exhaustion that came over me. It wasn't just that I hadn't slept, (even though I hadn't!!), but I believe it was the amount of time in between my doctor appointment Wednesday, when I was told that I had a "large mass", up until after all the tests were finally completed & the outcome was explained to me in detail on Friday afternoon & all that time I had then to simply worry myself into a frenzy (because I was terrified!). Plus I was dealing with it pretty much on my own, since there's no way that all the "boys" (including DH) surrounding me understood what I was going thru. Anyway, after I got the good news, instead of jumping up & down in joy, even though I was so relieved & thankful, I actually felt like I'd been run over by a very large truck!! I don't think I've ever felt so utterly exhausted, almost to the point of feeling like I was outside of my own body, looking in. I don't remember even driving home (so the answer to one of the many questions that were asked of me was, "Did I have anyone go with me?"--Uhhmmm, no, I went alone, since DH was swamped, trying to get everything caught up at our main family business, before getting ready to leave on his overseas trip!) --anyway---when I got home, I just kept getting even more & more tired & I'm not sure why, but maybe it was just all the build-up of the worry about what might be happening!! And when the news was good, perhaps the relief simply manifested itself in exhaustion--who knows??!! Because all I can say is that I honestly don't think I've ever felt that exhausted in my life!! Even all day Saturday & Saturday night, I could hardly move off the couch. And again today, all I really wanted to do was lay around, but at least I finally managed to drag myself into the shower & wash my hair late this afternoon, so I'm starting to feel half human again!!
Along with everything else, DH took off for his overseas trip very early this morning, around 4:30 AM. Even though all along I'd planned to drive him up to LAX where his flight originated (about an hour's drive without any bad traffic!), he must have seen how exhausted I was & therefore arranged with one of his friends who owns a limo company, to have a driver pick him up here & take him to LAX (L.A. International Airport) instead. It was a thoughtful gesture & believe me, I appreciated not having to drive up & back again to LAX before the crack of dawn this morning!!
I also appreciated the extra time to try to rest a little, since while DH is gone overseas, I'll be pulling "double duty" a good share of the time, running not only my own business, http://www.glendascreativeplace.com/ , but also caring for our main family business, along with our DS. (So please, be patient with me this week!!)
In concluding this message, I want to let you know that I DID feel all your positive thoughts, energy & especially your prayers coming my way, & I want every single one of you to know that I believe it was a big part of why everything turned out well for me. I know when we put our collective minds together to help uplift one another, we can accomplish amazing things. I for one am absolutely grateful & am forever in your debt for what you've done for me over the past few days, as well as the last several years, during the time that you've allowed me to be part of this community. You are all amazingly kind & generous people & I feel luckier than ever to be a part of you.
Thank you for everything from the bottom of my heart!!!